Well, here we go, been a while but i'm back. For a bit. I've been sooo super busy that 2010 is passing by quicker than i imagined. But luckily in a fabulously happy way :-)
The new job is going well so far, i have lots to learn but also a platform from which to jump in any direction i choose. If i can stick at this without getting bored (or made redundant) i think good things will follow. It muust be sickening to hear my optimism but it's taken such a long time to get back to feeling this way i'm embracing it with both hands, feet and butterfly nets...and no, it's not all because i have a lovely man in my life, although that does help!
I was remarkably up beat and happy for the last half of 2009 and i now know why. It was all to do with taking back control. Control of my life. Don't get me wrong i'm not a control freak, i'm a laid back kinda gal and can go with the flow. But i spent too long living my life for someone else. 2009 was my year for regaining my confidence, for having fun and living like the single, 24 year old girl i was. It's been empowering! But tough too. There were quite a few times where i had to dig myself out of whatever blue mood i was in, whatever knockback i came up against. But the beauty of it all was that i realised i am the only one responsible for my life. It doesn't matter who's by your side.
"We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future." ~ George Bernard Shaw
Ooh this new job is making me so positive about life! That's the trouble when you work for a motivational life coach, among other things.
And i believe it's true, the more positive you are about something good happening the more likely good things will start happening.
For those interested in the love life, it's all going swimmingly. Better than i could have imagined in fact. I was whisked off for a romantic weekend in Dublin, i've been taken out for numerous romantic meals, i've partied hard, i've met the best mates, i've been bought gifts for no reason and i've spent time with someone who seems to get me, who makes me laugh and who i don't get bored of hearing from. even after we've spent the weekend together, before i get home i've had a text message. There's no game playing, which is just a little more than refreshing. Of course it's not all as perfect as it seems...I'm trying hard to think of the imperfect things...oh, here we go, he makes me late for work and has a tendancy to snore. So much so that i've had to buy ear plugs when he had a cold. And he was a fan of celebrity Big Brother. Oh and we go out and eat such unhealthy food that i'm getting a fat bum and even fatter belly. But he seems to like it!
I think i can live with that.
:-)
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Wednesday, 30 December 2009
Bring on 2010
Time really is a great healer. And with it comes many a splendid thing.Hmm how many more cliches can i fit into this?
At this time of year we all tend to look back at the past twelve months. It can be very carthartic or equally depressing to look back and see what you have and haven't achieved. The end of one year and the start of another makes many reflect on where they thought they might be by now, and what you had hoped to have achieved. But it also makes you look at where you want to be and how much the little things have changed.
If i look back exactly a year ago, i could be a different person. A lot has happened for me in 2009, and not all of it happy. But i don't think i'd have it any other way. I now feel at my most confident. It's strange really as i started the year at probably my lowest point. Then a few months later i was made redundant from my dream job. I've always said you need the pain to appreciate the pleasure, and i still stand by that, no matter how horrible the pain is.
At the end of 2009 a whole heap of things changed for me, none more so than my love life. I'll get to that in a minute. Excitingly i've been offered (and have accepted) a new job in the City. I'll be back doing PR but this time not for an agency but in-house. I will be the client for once! It's going to be a massive learning curve for me and i'd be lying if i didn't say i'm a bit apprehensive. The money's not great, but the experience will look fabulous on my CV. Sometimes you have to take a risk and hope it pays off. I feel i've been doing that for most of my adult life so why change now?!
The very same week i was offered the job, my love live did a somersault and i've somehow gained a boyfriend! It's literally been a matter of weeks. However he has been courting me over email for about 5 months. Although i was too blind to see it.
What makes it doubly exciting is that he's a work colleague, although he's been working in South Africa for the past 6 months trying to get his new visa sorted. That's how it started. I had only been working where i am currently for a week or so when he left so i had only had about two conversations with him. Next thing i know i get an email maybe once a week, then we're friends on Facebook where he comments on most of the things i write, then the emails increase to one a day. as the months drew on we played noughts and crosses over email and spent the whole day chatting. And there i was thinking he was just bored! I knew i had started to feel something but decided to leave it. It wasn't clear when he was coming back to London and i knew of his reputation as a ladies man so i figured i'd take it all with a pinch of salt.
It took us exactly four days of him being back in the country before we kissed. We then spent four consecutive days in my bed. I went back to my parents for Christmas and he was in constant contact with me. I had countless emails, text messages, facebook chats. It really seems like he simply cannot get enough!
I'd be lying if i said i wasn't COMPLETELY freaked out by this behaviour. I've never come across this. A guy who likes me, is not playing games, won't sleep with me on the first night we spend together because we haven't been on a proper first date, looks after me when i was feeling poorly, emails me every half hour at work, wants to spend every lunchtime, tea break, fag break with me. Intense? Err, yeah! But you know what, i'm going to do my best not to ruin this by being a typical British, cynical woman. It's not my fault that most guys i've been with are shits and don't know how to treat a girl. Just in the last few days i've let myself go with it. And it's fun. And lovely. And hot!
It turns out his reputation is just that, a reputation. He's pretty much the office sex pest, but actually all he is is a massive flirt. He doesn't follow through. Well apart from with me! He's desperate to tell everyone at work, and some people do already know, but we don't want it to look like i'm leaving because of him!
I know people are probably reading this thinking "don't be an idiot, he's just going to screw you over, it's all talk" but actually i've got to know him over the past few weeks and i feel like maybe i can start to trust him. I've been known to always think the worst. But maybe it's time to change that.
Plus i've never been with a man who's so "giving" in all my life ;-) (sorry that's possibly too much info...hehe)
Friday, 30 October 2009
social butterfly with no direction
I know, I know it feels like years since i've blogged...i've just had sooo much going on i just don't know where to start!
My birthday was great, what with the sombrero wearing Mexican evening, Angel night out and hungover Sunday. My lovely friends from Manchester and Derby came down to celebrate, old friends from home turned up, the Stokey crew were there in force and new "friends" were made...Playing "guess who" at 3 in the morning was a highlight for all involved i'm sure!
My TV debut went off with a bang...(for those that don't know i was on Dating in the Dark on Living)i had a houseful of fans, my phone was ringing off the hook and my Facebook page had gone crazy! I was really quite nervous about the whole thing but actually it wasn't bad as it could've been. Yes i got some hate mail, but hey, that's when you know you've arrived, right?! It wasn't anything to terrible and i got more fan mail from strangers than i did hate mail. I can't quite describe what it felt like to sit there and watch myself on telly, with all my friends (who didn't know the outcome) screaming at the screen. I sat wondering if it was really me...that girl with the posh voice and overly expressive face!
Now i don't know if it's my recent fame (and i use the word "fame" very loosely) but i seem to be doing ok on the dating front (and not just in the dark!). A couple of weeks back i was out with work for one of the PR girls leaving do's.An ex More2 employee turned up too see her off and he heard about the show. We only chatted for about 10 minutes as i then left the party early (i'd had plans to go out with Tico - but he cancelled earlier that day - that's the last of him!. A week later one of the PR girls said she knew someone who liked me, which i was rather surprised about. It seemed that the guy from the leaving party had took a shine to me, or at least that's what Rose told me. She asked if she could give him my email and i thought why not.
I've now been on three dates with the Italian/Aussie with a fourth date planned next weekend. I'm feeling good about it, i don't seem to have any reservations at the moment, but then i guess that's how it should be. It's early days but i'm hoping our next day will be just as good if not better then the ones before.
While all this has been happening, my housemates friend also asked me out for a drink (let's call him Dave). Now this is a first for me, dating two guys at the same time. And i know there's nothing wrong with it if you're just "dating", which i am (i'm turning over a "good girl" leaf you see) but i actually don't know how to play this game. Do you keep it all secret? Do you bring it up or is that making a big deal out of it when it's only a drink? What if you end up liking them both? I'm a single twenty something girl living in London, meeting new people all the time. There's nothing wrong with keeping my options open right? Well, like i said i don't know how to play this. So i told both guys that i had another date. And you know what, it actually made things easier for me! Mainly because the Aussie/Italian stepped up his game and the other guy also seemed extra keen. It also made things clearer for me, i realised that although Dave and i had a great date, with dancing and me out drinking him (nothing new there!) i couldn't get the other guy out of my head, for whatever reason. So in the end, i told Dave (after he rang me three times) that i wanted to see how things went with the Aussie/Italian.
So things are going pretty well on the social scene for me right now. However my career is much to be desired. Particularly as i don;t seem to have one! I really don't know what to do next, what to look for, what i'm good at. To be honest, i feel quite lost.
My birthday was great, what with the sombrero wearing Mexican evening, Angel night out and hungover Sunday. My lovely friends from Manchester and Derby came down to celebrate, old friends from home turned up, the Stokey crew were there in force and new "friends" were made...Playing "guess who" at 3 in the morning was a highlight for all involved i'm sure!
My TV debut went off with a bang...(for those that don't know i was on Dating in the Dark on Living)i had a houseful of fans, my phone was ringing off the hook and my Facebook page had gone crazy! I was really quite nervous about the whole thing but actually it wasn't bad as it could've been. Yes i got some hate mail, but hey, that's when you know you've arrived, right?! It wasn't anything to terrible and i got more fan mail from strangers than i did hate mail. I can't quite describe what it felt like to sit there and watch myself on telly, with all my friends (who didn't know the outcome) screaming at the screen. I sat wondering if it was really me...that girl with the posh voice and overly expressive face!
Now i don't know if it's my recent fame (and i use the word "fame" very loosely) but i seem to be doing ok on the dating front (and not just in the dark!). A couple of weeks back i was out with work for one of the PR girls leaving do's.An ex More2 employee turned up too see her off and he heard about the show. We only chatted for about 10 minutes as i then left the party early (i'd had plans to go out with Tico - but he cancelled earlier that day - that's the last of him!. A week later one of the PR girls said she knew someone who liked me, which i was rather surprised about. It seemed that the guy from the leaving party had took a shine to me, or at least that's what Rose told me. She asked if she could give him my email and i thought why not.
I've now been on three dates with the Italian/Aussie with a fourth date planned next weekend. I'm feeling good about it, i don't seem to have any reservations at the moment, but then i guess that's how it should be. It's early days but i'm hoping our next day will be just as good if not better then the ones before.
While all this has been happening, my housemates friend also asked me out for a drink (let's call him Dave). Now this is a first for me, dating two guys at the same time. And i know there's nothing wrong with it if you're just "dating", which i am (i'm turning over a "good girl" leaf you see) but i actually don't know how to play this game. Do you keep it all secret? Do you bring it up or is that making a big deal out of it when it's only a drink? What if you end up liking them both? I'm a single twenty something girl living in London, meeting new people all the time. There's nothing wrong with keeping my options open right? Well, like i said i don't know how to play this. So i told both guys that i had another date. And you know what, it actually made things easier for me! Mainly because the Aussie/Italian stepped up his game and the other guy also seemed extra keen. It also made things clearer for me, i realised that although Dave and i had a great date, with dancing and me out drinking him (nothing new there!) i couldn't get the other guy out of my head, for whatever reason. So in the end, i told Dave (after he rang me three times) that i wanted to see how things went with the Aussie/Italian.
So things are going pretty well on the social scene for me right now. However my career is much to be desired. Particularly as i don;t seem to have one! I really don't know what to do next, what to look for, what i'm good at. To be honest, i feel quite lost.
Wednesday, 23 September 2009
Party Season
Me and one of my single friends (of which i have one or two) were discussing the severe lack of single men action experienced by the both of us this summer. It seems the hot weather - or should i say warm weather - seems to cause a bit of a man drought. They're all busy off on their lads holidays, or playing footy in the park, or round at a mates for a BBQ. They're all quite happy being single.
We have come up with a theory. We are now approaching official party season. And yes, it's meant to be all about meeting guys at summer weddings and BBQs but really, does that ever happen? The real party season is leading up to Christmas. There are loads of birthdays in Autumn (mine included) as that's when our parents were all getting jiggy at Christmas (bleugh)and as the nights drawn in and the temperature drops, guys are more willing to slow down and look around to find us single gals right under their noses. Suddenly cuddling up on the sofa on a winters night watching a dvd doesn't seem like such a horrible situation to be in, and let's face it, Christmas without a special someone by your side can be pretty depressing (take it from one who knows). Long weekends snuggled up by the fire, romantic strolls around a wintery park, festive parties with no one to kiss under the mistletoe - all much better with that special someone.
So roll on cold weather! I'll be waiting for plenty of lonely men to realise having a girlfriend is not that bad!
We have come up with a theory. We are now approaching official party season. And yes, it's meant to be all about meeting guys at summer weddings and BBQs but really, does that ever happen? The real party season is leading up to Christmas. There are loads of birthdays in Autumn (mine included) as that's when our parents were all getting jiggy at Christmas (bleugh)and as the nights drawn in and the temperature drops, guys are more willing to slow down and look around to find us single gals right under their noses. Suddenly cuddling up on the sofa on a winters night watching a dvd doesn't seem like such a horrible situation to be in, and let's face it, Christmas without a special someone by your side can be pretty depressing (take it from one who knows). Long weekends snuggled up by the fire, romantic strolls around a wintery park, festive parties with no one to kiss under the mistletoe - all much better with that special someone.
So roll on cold weather! I'll be waiting for plenty of lonely men to realise having a girlfriend is not that bad!
Monday, 7 September 2009
Nerves
So...everyone seems to want to know when i will be making my TV debut. It's making me very nervous. This is mainly because i have no idea how well (or otherwise) i will come across. I have to watch the show along with everybody else, i don't get a preview so i can vet who should be watching it and who shouldn't be!
Why should i be worried? Well, there are one or two silly things that i said that i just know will be picked up on...they do like to edit these things in the worst way possible to make "entertaining" TV. I just hope no one gets offended...
Ahhh!
Coupled with these nerves is the dread that i'm going to look like a heifer on telly, with a weird squeaky voice that sounds nothing like me. It's gonna be cringe-a-go-go...
I think i might skip the country. I really don't want to come into work the next day!
Eeeeek
Thursday, 20 August 2009
Back to reality
Hello world! I'm back!And my what an interesting few weeks i've had!
Where to start???
well, The Big Chill was absolutely fantastic! Haven't felt so happy in a long time. Awesome atmosphere, glorious weather, lots of cider and fantastic live music. Everything i could want from my first festival. The loos weren't bad either! I enjoyed being dirty (by that i mean unshowered) for 4 days and dining on different world cuisine - something The Big Chill does very well. I jumped around like a loon to basement jaxx, raved it up to Orbital, lounged in the sun to Max Romeo, sang along to Friendly fires and fell in love with Lamb...well in actual fact Andy from Lamb. I even managed to get a hug! But was totally uncool and i'm pretty sure he thought i was on something. I can safely say that all i was on was festival joy! Still, wished i'd thought about what i was gonna say before i opened my mouth!
I haven't felt so relaxed in such a long time, it made me so happy. Oooh and i bought a bubble sword, got interviewed by ITN and got my photo taken for Amnesty's website. At this rate i will be famous!
And on that note, i was only back home for two nights before being whisked off to Wimbledon to start my reality TV career. No joke. And i hate most reality tv! Ironic... I spent 5 days in the "dating in the dark" house. Can't say too much, you'll just have to watch Living TV in September /October to find out what happens to me.
Now i'm looking for my next adventure...off to Northampton this weekend but not sure that's quite enough (sorry Laura, i love you, what i mean is i need something BIG!).
What can top reality TV? Hmm, well i'll have to think of something. Look out world, i'll be in Heat Magazine next!
x
Tuesday, 4 August 2009
Lacking in "love" life
Where oh where to start...?!
Well i guess the "love" life is always a good place. Probably the most complicated yet exciting part of my life! Yet distinctly lacking in "love". But perhaps that's a good thing for now. I can concentrate on having fun instead...and ooh yes i've been trying to do that!
I was dating a guy a few weeks back who seemed pretty interested in me. I, of course, was quite surprised by this and instantly began to worry about it. "It" being the future. It's a girl thing i think, we find it very difficult just to live for the now and not worry about what might or might not happen later. But really, it turns out i had good reason to worry, as this lovely, sexy, funny guy is too old for me and has baggage in the form of two kids. One of which is closer to my age than I am to his Dad! Ouch. (Perhaps i should ask HIM out...joking!) So there i was worrying about it all, even though we've only been on a few dates and there's totally no pressure from him, wondering what i was going to say to him on our next date if he asked to come back to mine (which was more than likely as on the previous date he asked and i pretended to be coy and said he had to wait...first time for everything!)
So guess what happened...he stood ME up!! The cheek! All that worrying for nothing! I'd be lying if i said i wasn't just a teensy bit disappointed though. He seemed so keen. Anyway, by stood up i mean we were meant to be going out on the Tuesday, he called me on the Friday before to make sure we were still on. I asked him what we were doing and the best place for us to meet, and he said he'd let me know before hand. He didn't. I didn't chase as i didn't want to give him the wrong idea, what with all my worrying. But when it got to 8pm on Tuesday night (and after a couple of glasses of wine in the local with housemate to cheer me up) i texted him. And got a big fat nothing response. Bastard.
I didn't hear from him a whole week and a half later, when (get this) he made a comment on Facebook about something i'd written. No apology. So i asked " what happened to Tuesday?". I got a response in the end, and felt a bit bad. But even so, it doesn't take 10 seconds to write a text saying " can't meet you tonight, something's come up, will explain". The fact is, he still hasn't apologised and the only way he seems able to contact me is through facebook. I thought older men were supposed to be mature (although i've been out with enough to know that's a myth)?
So anyway...that's all over. Which is a good thing as it never would have worked. In the mean time i've rekindled a crush (although it is weakening again)but have no way of using it to my advantage as he doesn't live in London and doesn't seem that interested. Damn it. He's so not my type in every way as well, that he might just be a winner! Hmmm.
Oh and i pulled on Saturday night...but that was a one time only kinda thang...i don't expect to hear from him again! Ooooh the shame. Less said about that, the better me thinks!
So what's on the horizon now, i hear you ask? Ha! Well let's just say i've got a jammed packed couple of weeks. I go to The Big Chill on Thursday so who knows, Mr Right might be there. The question is, would i actually prefer Mr Right Now? I'm still mooning over the ex a little bit. I hate to admit it and it's dangerous when i do because i then go out and do silly things to try and convince myself that i'm over it. One day i will be.
Right?...
Well i guess the "love" life is always a good place. Probably the most complicated yet exciting part of my life! Yet distinctly lacking in "love". But perhaps that's a good thing for now. I can concentrate on having fun instead...and ooh yes i've been trying to do that!
I was dating a guy a few weeks back who seemed pretty interested in me. I, of course, was quite surprised by this and instantly began to worry about it. "It" being the future. It's a girl thing i think, we find it very difficult just to live for the now and not worry about what might or might not happen later. But really, it turns out i had good reason to worry, as this lovely, sexy, funny guy is too old for me and has baggage in the form of two kids. One of which is closer to my age than I am to his Dad! Ouch. (Perhaps i should ask HIM out...joking!) So there i was worrying about it all, even though we've only been on a few dates and there's totally no pressure from him, wondering what i was going to say to him on our next date if he asked to come back to mine (which was more than likely as on the previous date he asked and i pretended to be coy and said he had to wait...first time for everything!)
So guess what happened...he stood ME up!! The cheek! All that worrying for nothing! I'd be lying if i said i wasn't just a teensy bit disappointed though. He seemed so keen. Anyway, by stood up i mean we were meant to be going out on the Tuesday, he called me on the Friday before to make sure we were still on. I asked him what we were doing and the best place for us to meet, and he said he'd let me know before hand. He didn't. I didn't chase as i didn't want to give him the wrong idea, what with all my worrying. But when it got to 8pm on Tuesday night (and after a couple of glasses of wine in the local with housemate to cheer me up) i texted him. And got a big fat nothing response. Bastard.
I didn't hear from him a whole week and a half later, when (get this) he made a comment on Facebook about something i'd written. No apology. So i asked " what happened to Tuesday?". I got a response in the end, and felt a bit bad. But even so, it doesn't take 10 seconds to write a text saying " can't meet you tonight, something's come up, will explain". The fact is, he still hasn't apologised and the only way he seems able to contact me is through facebook. I thought older men were supposed to be mature (although i've been out with enough to know that's a myth)?
So anyway...that's all over. Which is a good thing as it never would have worked. In the mean time i've rekindled a crush (although it is weakening again)but have no way of using it to my advantage as he doesn't live in London and doesn't seem that interested. Damn it. He's so not my type in every way as well, that he might just be a winner! Hmmm.
Oh and i pulled on Saturday night...but that was a one time only kinda thang...i don't expect to hear from him again! Ooooh the shame. Less said about that, the better me thinks!
So what's on the horizon now, i hear you ask? Ha! Well let's just say i've got a jammed packed couple of weeks. I go to The Big Chill on Thursday so who knows, Mr Right might be there. The question is, would i actually prefer Mr Right Now? I'm still mooning over the ex a little bit. I hate to admit it and it's dangerous when i do because i then go out and do silly things to try and convince myself that i'm over it. One day i will be.
Right?...
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